


A Run-In with The Law

by Indiprincess



Series: ADA office after hours [2]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 21:43:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3911722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indiprincess/pseuds/Indiprincess





	A Run-In with The Law

You force the memory of that night from your mind as you sat at the coffee shop waiting for Benson and Rollins. That night with Mr. Barba was months ago, and you let yourself think of it more often than you would like to admit. He broke your heart that night as he left his office. Left YOU in his office to go with Benson. It's not his leaving. You work in the office, you know the job, it's how stupid you felt clutching your phone all night, waiting for him to call or text, something. And not just all night, all that weekend. You still feel so stupid for letting yourself get caught up in thinking meant something or could be something. He's a powerful man that could get any woman he wanted, so why would he be interested in you. What could you offer a man who always gets whatever he wants. Oh, and you had yourself plenty worked up and sick by Monday morning at the thought of seeing him. Your face still burns at the thought of that. But, you had successfully managed to avoid him. Shame is a strong motivator. Any time he was near, you managed to be in a conversation with a co-worker or on your phone or just heading out. If he was not interested, there was certainly no need to talk about it. You could live your whole life without that humiliation. Whenever you do finally find a scrap of your dignity, you will clutch it to your chest and protect it. You keep telling your mind to chalk it up to you both being tipsy. It's just easier to believe that than have to look at it as anything else.

You spend some time playing on your phone checking to see if the girls texted you as to where they are, when you notice movement coming your way. You go to grab your purse so you all can leave just as Rafael Barba sits at your table. He has his hands raised in a gesture to keep you from talking. 

You gape at him so hard you are pretty sure your mouth is on the table. You close it. "Mr. Barba, what are you doing here?" you let your eyes dance across parts of his face, but not his eyes. You look past his shoulder to see if Benson and Rollins are here yet. You are pretty confident that you would spontaneously combust if you were with Barba and Benson in the same room. Olivia had been so kind as not to say a word to you about that night when she walked in on the two of you, but the shame and disappointment, even now, could still swallow you whole.

"Relax, they aren't coming" he says in his soft way.

"They aren't coming? You mean..."

He raises his hands again to stop you "They are coming, I just asked them for a few minutes to speak to you. They weren't happy about it, about me intruding, but they relented."

You just stare down at your lap, unprepared for this. You wait and he still says nothing. You hazard a glance at him through your lashes and see he is just as uncomfortable as you. He opens his mouth to speak and you raise your hands to stop him.

You force a smile and try to speak brightly. "Look" you say and it comes out sharper than you mean it to. "We don't have to do this. It's fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine...."

Rafael SLAMS his hand on the table so hard you jump and instantly shut up. He jumps a bit too and others glance your way and you drop your head. "Let me speak." he spits the words out in a very angry whisper. "It's not fine. I'm not fine." He continues. "I was wrong. It was wrong what I did. I just..." he stops. "I don't know what to say. I want to make it right." His voice trails off. 

You never see him speechless or on a track he can't finish, and Jesus, you just fucking over this. You were avoiding him all this time to avoid this. Avoid weirdly staring at each other with nothing to say, but you're not even staring at each other because you can't even bring yourself to meet his eyes. If you aren't looking at your lap you looking at his ear, talking to his chin, because those green eyes are the last place you want to be. He can keep any pity or regret you may find in them.

You find you are pissed all over again and a small laugh peeps out of you. "YOU'RE not fine???? YOU'RE NOT FINE" you hiss loudly, trying to stay quiet but oh you are so angry. "What about..." you start, and then stop. What would even be the point, it's not like there is anything that either of you could say that would make you feel better. "Look. Like I said, it's fine we don't have to do this. We're both adults." And, you are keenly aware that you are not acting like one. You stand up and push in your chair. "Tell Amanda and Olivia I will meet them some other time to go dress shopping because I CAN'T sit here any longer." You manage to get out but one single tear falls as you push in your chair. "I have to go." 

"You know, you are going to have to let people in sometime. They aren't going to chase you forever." He reaches for your hand as you go by, he touches your wrist but you won't let it catch and pull your arm away violently. His touch is the match to your kerosene, and your not in the mood to do this right now. Your anger seethes. Who the HELL does he think he is to tell you anything!!

"Oh I did let someone in once Barba" and his name, his beautiful name that you always thought sounded so poetic, sounds like a curse. The worst curse in fact. There is so much venom in your voice. You see him flinch. That hurts and that steel you have been trying to pull off melts and the tears fall now. "But he didn't even bother to stay long enough to see if I got myself packed back into my dress and he never even called the next day to see if I made it home okay." Rafael drops his eyes to his own lap as you push past the people in line at the coffee shop.

The cool late spring air burns when you deeply inhale. You try to calm yourself but you are shaking terribly. You tell yourself you have every right to be angry, you're trying to bring that steel back into your blood but it falls away faster than you want it to and your pace slows. You take a few minutes to press the heels of your hands into your eyes.

Once you have finally taken a few shuddering deep breaths, you think why am I being so difficult? Is it that important to be right? Do I plan on being angry forever? Why is my pride so stubborn? You knew why. You wanted to hurt him as bad as you had been hurt. Embarrass him as much as you had been embarrassed. So okay. He DID come to talk to you. He said he felt bad, that he wanted to make it right. Avoiding him has been exhausting you. And truth be told, if you ever allowed yourself to look at it, you might see you had been secretly hoping he came to steal a moment with you at some point. But you won't even let that truth have a moment of your time yet. You still aren't ready to look at that one. Okay, you tell yourself, stop being so difficult, turn to go back and talk to him. 

Apologize. Hear him. Let him hear you. Stop trying to be a bitch. You don't like being that person anyway.

You quicken your pace to your coffee shop and search him out in the window but Rafael is already gone. You look around the street to see if you can see him. It hasn't been that long, just a few minutes. Maybe you still can...

You hear your name and turn on your heels. It's Amanda and Olivia. They are looking at you strangely. "There you are. We were looking for you". Olivia says as she throws a quick glance to Amanda. Silently communicating something.

"You okay?" Rollins asks.

You swallow. Hard. And blink rapidly. "Yep." you say brightly. Maybe too brightly. "I'm just fine. Allergies."

They look unconvinced but nobody wants to be uncomfortable today or talk about why they let Barba ransom you in the coffee shop so they kindly let it drop. And you are forever grateful to these girls. For these girls. Who have been so kind to you and whose friendship you have enjoyed so much. 

Amanda straightens up and smiles. "Good" she says as she slips her arm through your elbow to lead you. "Because, the only time anyone is allowed to cry today, is when I find my perfect wedding dress."

You glance over your shoulder one last time as they lead you in the other direction...


End file.
